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Review by Jack Foley |
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THE best thing that can be said about Britney Spears's debut movie, Crossroads,
is that you are unlikely to find a more laugh-out-loud comedy this year. The
only problem is, it's not meant to be!
The pop starlet - yes, she of school uniform, 'Baby one more time!' fame -
marks her none too anticipated big screen arrival with a truly inept coming
of age tale which challenges the likes of Mariah Carey, All Saints and Vanilla
Ice for most misjudged career choice.
Britney stars as Lucy, one of three childhood friends who embark on a road
trip with a mysterious guitarist in search of their destinies, following their
high school prom.
For Lucy, the trip marks the opportunity to meet her long-lost mother, while
for her friends Kitt and Mimi (Zoe Saldana and Taryn Manning), it is the chance
to catch up with a boyfriend and take part in a recording contest respectively.
The ensuing journey involves more singing, girl talk and self-revelation than
you would think possible, made watchable only by the fact that you get to
see Britney in various stages of undress at several stages throughout.
The movie opens with a totally gratuitous shot of our heroine singing along
to Madonna's 'Open Your Heart' in only a bra top and pink Y-fronts (Like A
Virgin would surely have been more appropriate!), and is swiftly followed
by another long underwear sequence.
Thereafter,
we get Britney in a bikini, Britney looking raunchy to woo a karaoke crowd,
and Britney losing her virginity to the guy who, as she so innocently tells
her father (Dan Aykroyd), 'gave us a ride'.
In between comes the serious stuff, involving revelations of rape, child abuse,
under-age sex and teen pregnancy which all become trivialised in the time
it takes the girls to form another group hug to get over it.
Worse still is the supposedly touching moment when shy Lucy reveals the content
of one of her poems to be the lines from one of her most recent hits, 'I'm
Not A Girl, Not Yet A Woman', which had viewers crying with laughter well
into the next scene.
And when Britney is called upon to deliver her big scene, following a less
than successful reunion with her mother, she conducts proceedings with her
hand and her hair strategically placed over her face the whole time - evidence,
if any were needed, that the singer is unable to project any emotion.
Crossroads is clearly intended to be a vanity project for the singer and should
therefore appeal to her young fanbase, who have helped to turn her into the
success that she is.
But if this movie is supposed to represent an artist at the crossroads of
her career, let's pray she opts for the route furthest away from Hollywood
in future. In videos, she's fine; but in movies, she's painful.
